Could Have Been, Almost Was
by uncontained hybrid
Summary: Nothing ever went as planned for Katie Bell. Always sad, always almost there, but they all became could have beens in the end.


_Trigger warnings for suicide, depression, drugs, and alcoholism._

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Katie Bell sighed as she glanced through the classifieds page of the Daily Prophet. There seemed to be so many job vacancies, but her NEWT scores hadn't been particularly good, on account of everything that had happened to her during her seventh year.

Sometimes she detested Alicia. When she was younger, she had looked up to the older girl as something of a role model, seeing her as someone who was practically perfect.

But these days, Katie envied Alicia so much that she was beginning to suspect the two shared a rather unhealthy relationship. Katie's work consisted mostly of tutoring Muggle children and Hogwarts students during their breaks. But Alicia was a mediwitch, working both at Quidditch games and as a nurse in St. Mungo's. She was healthy and happy and Katie sometimes felt left behind in the dust.

Katie's life was a series of 'almost was' and 'could have been'. Could have been a professional Quidditch player, almost was signed to the Holyhead Harpies, could have married Oliver Wood. But instead she stayed at home in her pyjamas, wishing she had been able to stick with something in the days of the war.

She had tried to resit her NEWTs, but found that she couldn't sit and study for hours on end when her world was still smouldering around her. She'd started training again for Quidditch, but the depression that had seemingly overtaken her life didn't favour early morning practice sessions or rigorous physical activity.

Katie had often thought that she would have made a good journalist. Her reading and writing skills were excellent, and she had often taken part in writing classes during her school holidays. But she had stayed chained to her bed for months, and the thought of internship at the Daily Prophet or Witch Weekly with school leavers who hadn't even been old enough to attend Hogwarts the night of the battle made her want to gag.

By the time Alicia got home from working at a game that evening, Katie had worked herself into a mood, and Alicia could tell.

"What have I done this time?" Alicia groaned, setting her bags down.

"I'm going to start paying my fair share of the rent," Katie told Alicia, sounding as if Alicia had forced her into it after several days' worth of arguments.

Alicia sighed. "Katie, we've been over this a million times. I can afford it. You don't have to feel as if this place isn't your home."

"What if I don't want to be cared for like a little kid?" Katie was angry, and her temper could be fearsome. "I'm twenty six, for heavens' sake, and I've done absolutely nothing with my life! I just want to be a functioning member of society and roll out of bed with sunshine coming out of my arse!"

In spite of herself, Alicia laughed. "You were never a morning person."

Katie grinded her teeth together in frustration. "Oh just stuff it, then!" she shrieked, her eyes filling with tears. Turning on her heel, she ran out the door and Apparated.

Still breathing heavily in frustration, Katie reappeared at the gate to George and Angelina's small house. She rubbed her hands over her eyes, knowing that a couple with two young children hardly wanted visitors at such a busy time of night.

Pressing her lips together, she strode up to the front door and knocked.

"Just a minute," she heard someone call out over the sound of a crying baby.

The door was soon opened by a rather dishevelled looking George Weasley.

"What brings you here?" he smiled, always a gracious host.

Katie wrapped her arms around herself. "Sorry," she murmured. "I know it's probably a bad time, but I just..."

"You know you're always welcome here," George responded gently.

Katie wandered in and sat down at their kitchen bench, trying desperately not to cry. Angelina came into the lounge room and put her arm around Katie.

"George said you were here. What happened?"

Katie took a deep breath. "Do you think I was stupid not to try hard enough to get a job after the war?"

Angelina shook her head. "You needed time for yourself. We all did."

"But-"

"Not all of us were made to get out of bed everyday and tackle the world like nothing ever happened."

"George did it. Harry did it."

Angelina closed her eyes, remembering. "They both did it from the bottom of a bottle, you know that, Katie."

"Anyway," Katie steered the conversation to a less hazardous topic, "Does that mean I should be staying home and doing nothing all day?"

"If this is about jealousy or competition or whatever, you need to find a job if you want to stay together with Alicia."

Katie nodded, avoiding eye contact with Angelina.

"But if this is about doing something with yourself, then you can do charity work or whatever. Merlin knows they need all the help they can get."

"What if I just want to run away?" Katie asked in a very small voice.

"Then our best babysitter had better not leave us in the lurch," George chuckled as he entered the room.

Katie licked her lips. "I need to think about everything. I'm gonna go to my sister's, figure this crap out for once."

Angelina laughed. "You've become those female characters you always hated."

A small, ironic smile played on Katie's lips. "What makes you think I don't hate myself?"

Katie Bell still ended up being a could have been, an almost was. Almost was proposed to by Alicia Spinnet, could have lived a full life had she not overdosed at the age of twenty nine. Because to Katie Bell, the light lay at the bottom of a bottle of pills, and the tunnel had been her entire life.

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A/N: _Written for QL, Round 3. Prompts 1, 3 and 4. Beater 2 of Puddlemere._


End file.
